Why just being a nice guy leads to a failed marriage
Recently, there has been two guys that have made headlines, but not for the right reason.
First is Ime Udoka, Celtics head coach. We talked about him briefly in our podcast (click here) but if you haven’t seen what has happened with him let me set the stage. Udoka helped lead the Celtics to the NBA Finals last year, changing their culture and setting them up for success in years to come. According to many of the sports books betting sites, the Celtics are considered the favorites to win it all this upcoming season. He has one of the best head coaching positions with a chance at long terms success.
The second guy is Ned Fulmer, one of the Try Guys, a popular YouTube channel. Ned along with his three friends started out on Buzzfeed trying various things such as giving facials, lie detector tests, driving while texting, and so many other things. With their success, they created their own company and now have over 7 million subscribers. Through his success his estimated net worth is over $10 million.
Both of these guys had everything going for them but lost it all. Both were involved in a consensual relationship with a co-worker, leading to punishments for both of the men. In Udoka’s case, he will be suspended for the full season with the chance of being fired later on. Fulmer is now out of a job, no longer working with the Try Guys.
While both of these incidents shocked me, one thing stood out the most. Both were considered nice guys. Guys that people would not assume would do something like this. Honestly out of the four Try Guys, Ned would have been last on my list to cheat on a significant other. People loved Udoka and you never heard anything but respect for the guy.
But that’s just it. Being a “nice guy” isn’t enough to save a marriage. Just like being a “good person” isn’t enough to get into heaven just being a good guy doesn’t mean you will be a good husband. It has to go deeper. You have to be intentional about putting your spouse and family first in anything you may do. Through these two stories, I’ve learned a few important lessons:
Always prioritize your family over your position. I had mentioned in a recent podcast that your position whether it be in ministry, at a nonprofit, or somewhere else, at some point, you will not be there, either through promotion, quitting, termination, or dying. That empty position you leave will be filled and people will move on at your workplace or at your ministry. Your family will still be there. Whether you’re a head coach of an NBA team, a YouTube creator, or a missionary, put the people you live with over the people you work with. Otherwise you risk losing everything.
Consensual relationship between adults does not save your job. I have seen people talking about how they believe that both should not have been fired because they’re adults and it wasn’t sexual harassment. However, it still is sexual harassment, despite the consensual nature of the relationship. Whenever there is a power dynamic in play (i.e. supervisor with a subordinate), it still is considered harassment. Many workplaces do not allow supervisors to have any type of romantic relationship between employees. What could end up happening is that the subordinate could receive unfair treatment (either positive or negative) which could lead to undeserved promotions or undeserved demotions based on the relationship at hand, leading to future lawsuits. Side note: if you don’t have a sexual harassment policy and are concerned, get something down to protect all people involved.
Bad choices affect more than just you. A bad choice like cheating on your partner doesn’t just affect you in losing your job and potentially your relationship. It affects the whole family. Both of these men have kids and it’s one thing to be a child when your parents are going through a rough patch. However, when the whole world sees what your dad did to your mom, it’s going to affect them for a lifetime. When you have a family, the stakes are much higher.
Bottom line: Don’t cheat! Your life is more than work, ministry, and positions. Keep the main thing the main thing!